Rosalie Maggio

Here's an odd one for you! How would you like to win a used book? I know, it's not the usual thing. But one of my books, The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women, is not only my own personal favorite, but it's a large (844 pages) lovely collection of 16,000 quotations by women, arranged by topic (love, camels, books, death, cats, cooking, sex, etc.). It's out of print, but I found a couple of used copies online and decided to offer one to the winner of this contest. To enter, send me an e-mail (maggio1@​juno.com) with "quotes" in the subject line. A winner will be chosen at random. Deadline is October 31, 2010.

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The Last Contest!

A big thank you to all those who entered the contest. I probably had more fun with this than most of you did. And the winners are:

* Anne Kersten, Fort Dodge, IA, The Art of Organizing Anything

* Bill Warren, Davenport, IA, The Art of Talking to Anyone

* Karen Price, Black Lick, OH, How to Say It

Your books are in the mail!

The reason I had such a good time was that I had asked you to let me know your most difficult challenges in (1) talking to people, (2) writing a letter, and (3) organizing.

Below are several of the letters I received.
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Madam,
    I am in the business of exporting bubble gum. When I started, 40 years ago, I only exported to Palau Tioman. It was fairly easy to organize my files as there were only two buyers on that island. I started there as I figured if I got a good foothold I could easily move into Singapore. Anyway, my business has flourished and now I export to over 140 countries!
    Most of my buyers speak different languages and some even have different alphabets. I have tried organizing them by the type of bubble gum they preferred, but that worked only in the early days. Then I organized them by their latitude. But with so many, that didn't work either. My nephew wants me to computerize. He says it would make the billing process more organized. However, I am 93 years old and don't believe in computers. Just look how long the Edsel and the hoola hoop lasted.
    I have about 400 buyers located in 140 countries. I need some ideas
from you on how to organize my business. I have a fairly large budget as there is a 70% profit on bubble gum. My total sales are somewhere between $63,000 and $246,500. My nephew says I would have a more exact number if I would get a computer. But that is not at issue here. I need from you a method to organize my business.
    Even if I don't win the contest, call me with your plan for me.
    Thank you,
    Waldo Strafarias
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Dear Ms. Maggio,

I am writing in hopes of winning your contest for the buch (I speak a little German) How To Say It. The kind of letter I find most difficult to write is when I need to tell the person he is stupid but without letting him know that is what I am saying and when I need to say he misunderstood the issue but without letting him know that I feel he misunderstood the issue and when I need to lead him to agree with me but I can't let him know that I want him to agree with me and when I need his response by tomorrow but I don't want to appear pushy.

I sure hope I win this contest. I have never won a contest. When I grew up my brothers were all faster than I was and had a much faster wit and guile quotient. My sisters were much smarter than me both intellectually and streetwise.

Sincerely,

Triage Mooncalf

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Rosalie,
   As a former lesbian who was trying to live a life of purity and celibacy in seminary, it was difficult to talk with my female classmates, with whom I shared a bathroom in the women's dorm. They refused to wear sackcloth but instead wore satin (and too little of it). I found myself stammering, experiencing hot flashes, and losing my train of thought. Which Gospel was I supposed to preach? Their lavender baths made me quite dumb.

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Dear Rosalie Maggio,
    My situation is a simple one, yet is causing me a great deal of anxiety.
    I was a small, underfed child. I never did get big and never lifted weights or played sports. I grew up to be a small, skinny man. Did I mention that I have a lisp? Well, I do and that didn't help my image as a child and hasn't done me any great favors as an adult. With these shortcomings slapping me around, I spent all my time studying and graduated at the top of my college class and earned my PhD at the age of 18.
    Things have been sort of okay--no, I have no prospects of marriage--until last month when a nincompoop promoted me to Department Manager. My first official duty is to fire Rocky. Rocky is about 6'4" and weighs around 250 lbs. He is only 31 years old and lives in the gym, pumping iron. God only knows who hired this Cro-Magnon because he lacks even the most basic knowledge of Synchrotron and Cyclotron Radiation. He also has a horrible lisp!
   Exactly how do I tell this guy that he is fired?
   Thank you.
   Howard Litton Ashelybee

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The other letters I received were more sober and, yes, I believe they were also more truthful.

The biggest organizing problems varied. Judy wrote, "Anyone who scrapbooks knows what a mess it can be." She has tried boxes, totes, files, and folders, but says, "It's impossible for me to find anything I want to use because I don't always put it away."

It is probably better not to give even a first name to the man who wrote, "I can't figure out how to organize my wife."

Heather's biggest organizing problem? "A baby that came 4 weeks early!" Caught unprepared, she says she's "trying to delegate to helpful and loving family members, but that's really tough. Organizing is such a personal thing."

On the other hand, Jan says, "I can organize other people's stuff, but not my own." Turns out she's dealing with over 1,000 rubber stamps and associated supplies; beads, beads, and more beads; "and clothes: 2 closets (tiny) and not enough dresser space for all the turtlenecks, long-sleeved t-shirts, short-sleeved t-shirts, socks (they have their own drawer), work clothes, work-outside clothes, couch potato clothes, and too many pairs of black shoes to count!"

Her in-box is the hardest thing for Cheris to organize: "The box is big enough. My skill at getting to it is not big enough." For Karen, it's her recipes whereas for Mary Kay and for Anne, it's many years' worth of their children's photos. Rebecca hasn't seen the top of her dining room table in years. Chris is without a personal assistant for the first time in years and having to organize her work, travel, and two living locations, admits, "It is a whole new world."

Don says getting organized himself "hasn't been the issue so much. It's getting others who access the same areas to keep it organized!" He says, "Labeling and obvious placement haven't helped keep things organized, so um, what is an easy solution since showing, then bitching, doesn't work?"

Sarah has trouble keeping track of her computer files. After being unable to find vital files, she says, "I've taken to putting some files in multiple categories ... and still can't always find what I need."

And the most difficult people to talk to? A teacher writes, "After 31 years of teaching, I still find it difficult to talk to parents who think their imperfect offspring is perfect. Parent conference nights cause me nausea days before conference nights." Stef says, "I want to know how to speak to the endless parade of mentally ill homeless folks in my neighborhood without coming off like a totally insensitive nosy person." One woman says, "The kind of person I have the most trouble talking to is someone with whom I have nothing in common." Another says, "People who are glaring daggers at me. I simply want to run for the hills or teleport to another planet." A man writes, "People I have the most difficulty talking with are those who tend to always bring the conversation back to themselves or to what they want to talk about rather then keeping to the initial subject until that conversation satisfies all involved.I find it rude and frustrating and tend to not entertain any further conversation if I can't redirect focus back to the original subject." Kumari says simply, "Men, they're hard to talk to."

As for the most difficult letter to write, the most frequently mentioned one was the sympathy letter.

Thanks, all of you, for your letters and comments!
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